Are You an “Eff”er

By: Peggy Willms

(8 min read)

Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? Are you complaining about the same things over and over? Ask anyone around you and, if they are honest, together you can probably “EFF”ortlessly list at least five things or areas or people you bitch about all the time and never come up with positive or effective solutions. You ARE potentially AN “EFF”er. An “EFF”ortless type of person. Oh, get this straight, I do not mean you are a person who accomplishes things “EFF”ortlessly – I mean you simply put in NO “EFF”ort. You are not a solution seeker.

Yeah, that is YOU – you are an “EFF”er! 

There is so much hope, right?! MUCH HOPE!!! You can stop being frustrated. Stop feeling guilty. Most of all, stop complaining and “EFF”ing around. Take action. Positive action. Don’t be “EFF”ortless due to no effort.

Consistent actions become habits: healthy or unhealthy = “EFF”ORTLESS.  So, it’s time we get you on track to becoming “EFF”ortlessly a Solution Seeker.

  1. First, you need your whiner list. The list of consistent areas or subjects you complain about. I am not joking. Ask those you trust and love (or at least like a lot) to help you come up with three areas they are sick and tired of you blah blah blah’ing about. Trust me, you will have at least three areas.
  2. With EACH area, you will go through the steps below. This takes a while to master. Make some notes, and in some cases, your first area may be so deep, you can only conquer one at a time. Lord Jesus that means you have been flapping your jaw for a spell. But good news, eh? So much progress is ahead of you.
  3. Here we go…

You will have your subject or person [insert: …]. I will use the example: “I want to lose weight and just can’t”

The “EFF”ORTLESS Ten Steps:

E: Engage

  1. Engage in new learning whether you begin reading more, listening to podcasts or watching YouTube videos. The more informed you are, the more creative, interesting, and well-rounded. The intent of new learning isn’t to give you new ideas to bitch about. Engaging in new learning is intended to help you be a Solution Seeker.

Example: “I can’t lose weight, so for one week, I am going to watch one YouTube video daily about healthy, successful weight-loss stories.”

F: Be Frank

  1. Be Frank with yourself. The most difficult relationship you will have in this lifetime is actually the one you have with yourself. Be frank with all areas where you aren’t your best self. We lie to ourselves, and that is often why we flap our jaw out loud or point the finger at others, is to deflect all the crap we don’t want to deal with in ourselves. Take honest notes and start with “I” statements.

Example: “I want to lose weight. One of the ways I am sabotaging myself is by thinking I am strong enough to have my tempting snacks in my house. I am nowhere near strong enough to moderate yet.”

F: Fact Check

  1. FACT CHECK whether you are propelled into the newest fad or even new relationship, Fact Check. What resources can you tap into, you trust, and validate a thought you have or statement you keep making? The worst – running your mouth about something you know nothing about or worse about someone you know nothing about.

Example: “I want to lose weight, therefore, before I pick a plan, I am going to look into the science and read many testimonies before I consider it. I also need to know how it will affect my lifestyle, my system, or even food costs.

O: Optimize

  1. Optimize – become super-efficient. This can take some effort. We know the more we can embed consistent habits, the less mental muscle it takes. When we are optimized, it saves time, energy, and launches our best talents and gifts. Oh, and it shouts out a whoo hooo with your confidence.

Example: “I want to lose weight, so I have prepped meals for Tuesday and Wednesday, my busiest work days. I hired an accountant and housekeeper instead of struggling to balance my family life, and we found a lot of other areas to save enough money to pay for these things. These three decisions changed my life. And I bought a treadmill.”

R: Radiate

  1. Radiate as you improve. Don’t be shy. We rarely celebrate our successes because we either feel they are not that big of a deal to others or others will think we are bragging. Okay, so if you don’t want to verbally share your successes, then at least stand tall and glisten with pride from the inside out. Peeps will ask you what is different. Your damn whining self is dying that is what is happening, and you got the glow.

Example: “I want to lose weight, and in order to feel proud of all my progress, I started trying new skincare products, donated drabby clothes, and only wear bright colors now.”

T: Test

  1. Test Test and Test every attempt you make to improve yourself. It won’t hurt to ask your original peeps if they see an improvement in your efforts to become “EFF”ortlessly less of an “EFF”er. Test adding new habits or removing some of the ones you are not sure are working.

Example: “I wanted to lose weight, and I decided I wasn’t sure keto was working so I came off it for a week and actually felt better. By testing it, I know now I want to consume less protein.”

L: Lock In

  1. Lock In what is working and don’t question it until it doesn’t have a positive outcome anymore. When you can lock in a new habit and use your mental muscle on other things, you will become a healthier you faster. You have locked in the habit of brushing your teeth, drinking enough water, walking every morning with the dogs, and opening the mail, so no more whining that you have to do it. Done deal.

Example: “I want to lose weight, so I selected Friday nights to get groceries. I have been doing it for several weeks, and it is incredible how much easier it is. I am not going to run my mouth about having to get groceries – we all have to. I found the best day, for now, that works. So it is Locked in.

E: Exterminate Excuses

  1. Exterminate Excuses. As Dr. Phil and I say, “I can’t get these minutes back,” so stop telling me the same thing over and over again. I also say “You have three chances to tell me the same excuse over and over again, and if you don’t come up with a healthier solution, then you have to shut up.” Yup, I actually say, tough lovingly, “You have said it 3x, Solution? Nope, then shut up.” If you need to cook, move, and work or raise kids, and most everyone has the same thing to do you do such as groceries, cleaning, hygiene, etc. Don’t blah blah over it. Just do it and don’t make excuses as to why you don’t want to do it or didn’t do it.

Example: “I want to lose weight, but I would say over and over that I didn’t have enough time to make dinners or work out. Now it is a To Do, but I try to find the best times for me to do them – when I have energy.” I have said more than enough times, “Hmmm going to be busy, need to eat healthily and move next week? Still, have the same job and kids next week? Hmmm”

S: Stay Satisfied

  1. Stay Satisfied about something – anything. Are you one of those that have a hard time finding the sunny side up in anything or anyone? If you were frank with yourself, as I mentioned previously, you may say, YES, I struggle with being positive. Why not be happy or proud or grateful each day for something? As Meghan Trainor sings, “Your Mama raised you better than that!” No whining. This one kills me. . . Peeps who cannot find the glory in life – at least a little – need to volunteer, visit an underprivileged country or live on the street for a month.

Example: “I want to lose weight, and though I am achieving my results a little slower, I am grateful I can walk and eat and have the options to become healthier.”

S: Sensitize

  1. Sensitize yourself to others’ feelings and situations. Be humane. Be empathetic. Be compassionate. It is actually less painful than being a jackass. Sensitize yourself to your progress. Note your sensitivity to the choices you make and how you feel around someone. Also, note how you feel after you eat food or when you don’t sleep.

Example: “I want to lose weight, and I have become gentler with my true struggles. I make my goals too complex, and when I do, I get discouraged and crabby to others. I am being more sensitive about how my words cut others even though I do not intend it.”

Yeah, it is a lot to think about. But you do not have to stay an “EFF”er – that guy. The one who is EFF that. Make the “EFF”ort, and oh man, the results are the bomb. You get to choose not to “EFF” off.


Peggy Willms
                                                                     All Things Wellness, LLC

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