Carrying Everyone’s Emotions Are Heavy

By: Peggy Willms

(5 min read)

It isn’t easy being me right now. I know that sounds self-righteous. But it is my story.

My spine hurts. My traps are tighter than Schwarzenegger’s Olympian winning-thighs. My eyes are advancing my cataracts in lightning speed. My pelvis is spreading wider than my you-are-about-to-deliver-a-baby days. Why?

My emotions are a ying-yang shit show.

Being a multiple, best-selling book author has been on my bucket list since a teen. I have used my words in various ways since I had my little diary with the secret key. I went on to write poetry, essays, stories, a novel, a children’s book, articles, content, policies and procedures, and wellness programs for large companies.

My first attempt at traditional publishing was 22 years ago when I wrote and illustrated my first children’s book. After several rejections, I gave up. It didn’t mean I stopped writing. However, I did tuck that book away in a box knowing I would dust it off again.

In early 2021, I became a media partner for a compilation book called Mayhem to Miracles. My role was to support the project and interview many of the authors on my radio show. I also contributed my own personal story to that book. Cool beans. The experience reminded me to pull out my old bucket list, and off I went.

I created an outline for an auto-biography/coaching book based on my All Things Wellness wheel. Simultaneously, I decided to begin writing a series of children’s books based on the same concepts of my coaching book. There will be at least 10 experiential adventure books with over 30 characters. Busy times. Blessed to be stressed, as I say.

Because I love to do dozens of things at once, I decided to pull out the “rejected” lime green, laminated picture book I had sent off to Peachtree Publishing in 2001. Let’s give it another go. This book has traveled move 12 times with me and crossed 2400 miles. Once I re-read it, I decided to create at least five more books piggybacking off the little boy’s original story. I was up to balancing 16 books at once.

If you are still reading, we are getting there. I know you are wondering why am I so emotional? Why is the weight of everyone else’s emotions so heavy on me?

A “one-love” arrow has punctured my heart. Last Fall, I received the “connect-the-world message.“ And here is where everyone else’s emotions have become arduous. Remember my spine, traps, hips and eyes are struggling here.

2020 forced us into hiding and removed many from society, schools, and our work environment. Our mental and physical health suffered. Here we are two years later, and many challenges remain prompting my desire to write a compilation book. I wanted to expedite “one love” messaging. I wanted to create a platform where dozens of storytellers could connect more deeply with others, shed their own burdens birthing new freedoms, change lives…save lives. A “you, too, can do it” motivational and inspirational read. In addition, I would tap into my media connections, partnering with other radio and podcast hosts. We would shine light on these contributing authors and their messages.

I know how difficult it is to write a book alone, nonetheless, write it with over 30 other contributors. I began praying for a co-author. It came to me. He is a professional. He is a physician. He is brilliant and an empath. More importantly, we are great friends. Markus Wettstein, MD. He enthusiastically jumped on board.

I then prayed for passionate and compassionate book publishers. Bring them my way. Boom! I reached out on the biggest limb I have taken to date, emailing James Redfield, author of the Celestine Prophecy, to write the Forward. He agreed. Whaaat?! I dreamt about a magical media team. I asked seven, all agreed. Super! Marketing began. And the stories are coming in! Whoa!

In the last five months, we have remained steadfast with enhancing a website, creating the book design and format, author and partner agreements, outlining a marketing plan, and enjoying countless meetings. Of course, we decided to do a three-book series. Yeehaw.

Hang tight, I am about ready to fall on to the floor bawling like a baby who can’t find her binky.

I was ready for the infrastructure build! I have a long history of managing multiple projects and large teams. I even managed my co-author’s multi-million dollar clinic back in 2009. At one time, I led 23 state and national park wellness programs at once. So, I can balance a lot of shit. I love the manic state. I am what I am good at it, and what I am not.

And here we go. I was not prepared for my emotions to run amuck while editing these astonishing stories. Emotions – Yuck! Which is a nicer word than I was thinking!

Our contributing authors have been through hell and back – some heaven and back. I am feeling their pain and suffering, and their sense of fear and rage. By the end of the 2,000 word limit, I am white-knuckling out of the valley of doom into the land of breath-taking delight.

Some stories are heavy, dark, and scary with polarity switches taking me from wanting to hire a hit man to wanting to send roses to a savior.

Last week, I read a story that had my fingers clawed into my keyboard like a panther sneaking up on its lunch. After gripping for several minutes, I was spun 180 degrees falling to the floor bawling like a baby flailing around with her blankie. The story that crossed my eyeballs next, pissed me off so much I was ready to picket outside the courthouse which was followed by me singing praises to Jesus for stepping in.

I am on the most beautifully, un-hinged, sensational roller coaster ride imaginable. But I missed the boat prepping my emotions on this one.  “Peggy, you asked for over 30 authors to join this feat. You have been a coach for decades. You know how to create boundaries protecting yourself from absorbing others’ problems and emotions. Put that crap to use, girl.”

So, what am I doing to cope with all this emotional weight?

I know you are dying to know. Let’s get real. I suck at self-care. Yup. I am now public. I forget to eat, put off my walks for hours each day, and get so dehydrated I have thought about using a catheter and IV stand so I never had to leave my desk. BRILLIANT!

My point, I need to ramp up my boundary skill set. Wish me luck – I created a plan starting today.

1) Start each morning drinking coffee while basking in the sun like a gecko. Set intentions.

2) Take a cool shower; get those brilliant juices flowing. TikTok says it works, thus it is so.

3) Slither to my desk prepped and calculated. I am starring in the next Matrix movie, so I have been practicing.

4) Take 20 deep breaths; recite a few gratitude’s while holding a rose quartz.

5) Remind myself how honored I am to be a part of this project.

6) Grab my new box of tissue.

7) Read and edit one story.

8) Take a Tai Chi break. Argh.

9) Time for nutrients. Back to another story; edit.

10) Go outside and stare at the waves slapping around.

11) Spend a few hours on business stuff.

12) Cycle back tomorrow…

I am tossing the weight of the world in a backpack and heaving it on the floor. I am sure to feel my body flow by the end of the week.

How blessed am I to hold these precious stories in my hands? We will share them with the world in a few months. Stay tuned.

Peggy Willms
                                                                     All Things Wellness, LLC
The information provided is the opinion of the author. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. diagnosis, or treatment. The author and the business, All Things Wellness, LLC, and its owner Peggy Willms, are not liable for risks or issues associated with using or acting upon the information in this article or on this website. We assume no responsibility for tangible and intangible damages such physical harm caused by using a product, loss of profits or loss of data, and defamatory comments.