Don’t Judge Mother’s Day

By: Peggy Willms

(4 min read)

Happy Mother’s Day to whoever feels they are one and to whomever wants to celebrate it.

There is enough controversy out there as to “the definition of a mother.” Somehow many adults find it within their call of duty to blab incessantly about who a mom is and what Mother’s Day truly means. Sure, the first amendment allows these “definition makers” to belch such words of self-proclaimed wisdom, but their opinion falls on deaf ears today. Whether you are a teenager who has chosen to put your child up for adoption, a single father (no, that is not a typo) raising two toddlers, or Aunt Penelope down the road who has been rearing every neighborhood runaway for decades, no one has the right to tell you if you get to wear the “mother badge.” And they surely cannot tell you how to celebrate your special day – Mother’s Day!

I am not going there. If you feel you are a mom, you are a mom. If you want to call someone mom, go for it. You can quickly scroll down, and you will not find me hopping on either side of the fence with my personal “adult” opinions or definitions of who a mom is or isn’t. I am going to just sit right there perched in the middle. Perhaps I am simply too tired to hop at all these days though a video of such might trend on TikTok.

I am here to give a voice for the children. Shouldn’t the child be allowed to decide the definition of a mom and what Mother’s Day means for them? Is it the individual who brought them into the world or the person who gave them food and shelter? Have you ever asked them? Oooh, now there is controversy.

A child innately understands love, nurturing, a sense of belonging and safety. Once they are propelled out of the womb, their future either aligns with their innate blueprint or is shot to hell with choices made by surrounding human beings. If you are in an argumentative state today, you might say, “Peggy, not all children are born with such a blissful framework. It isn’t the parent’s fault how the child turns out.” Okay, I will agree – there are children born with an unfortunate DNA recipe stacked with narcissistic, sociopathic, or other dissociative mental health diagnoses. They may not be innately aware of love, nurturing, a sense of belonging, or safety. Sure.

However, in most cases, we are born with a few established feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. Baby: “I am safe here (in the womb). I eat and sleep when I want.” For them, it is that simple. Then bam, it is birthday time, and a child is exposed to human beings. The child’s innate blueprint is either affirmed – I am loved. I will be nurtured. I belong. I am safe. Or, sadly, in some cases, it is not.

The child knows when a motherly essence is present and when it is not present. Do they know when there is a fatherly presence? Absolutely. How? Adults and society tell them there is a difference…moms do this, and dads do this. Do not try to derail me – I am on the mother train now.

Whether a biological mother raised the child, a grandmother, the postman, or the English teacher, doesn’t the child know whom they feel their “mom” is? Ask them today, Mother’s Day. If you think a child is confused about who their mother is, ask them what they feel is the “definition” of a mother and for whom they would like to draw a Mother’s Day card? The child might give you three names right off the bat. Cool beans…they will be preoccupied coloring up a storm today.

Adults need to stop telling children how to feel. We must stop telling them that specific thoughts and actions fit into certain molds. I am over it. If you want the world to be a happier, healthier, more gentle experience, marry up your words to your actions. I sound a bit angry, don’t I? I am not. I am simply frustrated. We are not listening to our children. We blame them for being lazy, selfish, unstable, and rule-breakers; ask yourself where they are learnning such things.

I did not fall off a self-righteous I am the Mother of the Year horse. Why am I talking about hopping and falling today? However, if my grandson wants to leave a Mother’s Day card for Jesus on the Cathedral steps of every church in Western Colorado. I will drive him there. I am not going to hold a conversation about how Jesus “isn’t a female” or how Jesus isn’t “his mother” or ask why he feels it is “appropriate to plop that love note at St. Augustine’s.” This Miss Daisy is just taking the wheel!

Do not judge who a mother is. Do not judge who gets to celebrate Mother’s Day. The neighbor’s puppy, hovering over a litter of abandoned kitties, might be a tad pissed off if you tell her today isn’t her day. 

I shall sign off today as Mom, Momma, Mommy, MOMMMMM, Grandma, Mimi, and Mama Bear (a label I have worn for years given to me in 2014 by several clients at a Boot Camp).

Whether you are sad or happy today, go buy yourself some flowers and chocolates, and call it your day.

Peggy Willms
                                                                     All Things Wellness, LLC
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