Gettin’ Outta My Head
By: Ziggy Salvation
(4 min. read)
I had this grand scheme and timeline for when to get back into live-streaming and content creation. All is well on the personal side regarding setting up platforms and scenes for broadcast and all the pertinent details. What’s stopping me is the teeniest of details, whether it’s lighting in the office or a lack of a shelf where I feel a blank spot doesn’t need to be. The crazy part is I am completely in my head and procrastinating, haha. There’s truly nothing stopping me from making content except for myself, period. So I literally sit and think to myself, “What are you waiting for? You have all the supplies and support needed to push forward, so just do it.” So what do I do? I clear an area to start small, maybe some photos for Instagram, or maybe a small transition video for YouTube, something, ANYTHING, just get one post out, hope to catch the bug, and then let the vortex of dedication take over.
But it never comes. I’ll get the shot set up or the broadcaster set up, and somehow, right before taking that first picture or queuing up a song list before hitting the live button, this overwhelming sensation of inevitable failure just RUSHES over, and I quickly jump to an excuse or reason not to have time to do it. I’m getting to the point now where I’m becoming more than aggravated with myself because I’ve never known self-doubt. I’ve only known walking to the beat of my own drum, and this is unsettling because the emotion behind it is so foreign.
I can’t say I need time away to clear my head and refocus. I’m 11 weeks past creating the last content I’ve posted, longer on some platforms. So what is one to do? Genuinely? I feel if I rush content out at this point just to do it, I’ll be forcing myself to send out something subpar and will be regretful for doing it.
On the other hand, maybe, just MAYBE, it will get a good reaction. I’ll never know if I don’t sack up and just post. Shit, perhaps I’ll fall right back into the habit for sure. One thing I do know for sure is the content I want to put out; it’s something I’m more than comfortable with, so I just need to make it happen. I think this time around, I might just give it my all for a certain time frame, and this time, if it doesn’t pan out or if I don’t hit reasonable benchmarks, then I switch gears and reevaluate and maybe become a content creator that doesn’t necessarily go live, but just produces content to put out and hope it sticks to a wall somewhere.
What really bothers me, I think the most, is that it’s affecting all other avenues of creativity, even blogging here. I get so wrapped in my head I’m crushing my skull with the deadline. I keep telling myself, just put the streaming on the back burner for now and see what you can blog about this week, but it’s become overwhelmingly consuming. I’m at the point where I’m debating creating content, editing it, and putting it on a YouTube channel and hoping for the best.
I think another trouble with having a creative mind is when you have a new project idea, you tend to dump all the eggs in that basket, but as the end of the project nears and comes to fruition, right at the tail end of completion another new shiny idea comes in play. Some of the eggs move out early to the new idea before the previous is truly complete. I had an entire plan to have 60 photos done and edited for the month of October, and before I knew it, poof, here we are halfway through November. Therefore, I’ll put my plan out here, just to have it out of my head, this coming weekend, get 10-15 pictures for buildup toward Thanksgiving and have them queued up for release, then start constructing and planning Christmas and New Year’s posts and get them starting to be taken, edited, and ready to rip. That way, through the course of the month, I will have media to pull from and be ready to go.
I know it’s natural for most people to get into funks with whatever they love to do, but not only is this the first for me, but its duration is well past its expiration. Maybe the mindset of “OK, next week, we hit go” just isn’t satisfactory for me, and I need to get a notebook and make a bonfire schedule. Who knows? All I know is I’m sick of the downward spiral into a pile of ashes of the one-time dream that has gone up in flames. Only I can embrace my inner Phoenix and rise from the ashes. I sit down here amongst the ash and embers, hoping they don’t burn out before I ascend. Stay tuned. I guess that is all I can really say at this point. I love you all and just remember. It’s OK to sit back and evaluate. Just do your best to carve out the path you want to take next and do your best to take the first step on it.
Ziggy Salvation
All Things Wellness, LLC
ziggysalvation@gmail.com
twitch.tv/ziggysalvation
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