Just a Moment
By: Lara Scriba
(3 min read)
When things have gone awry in my household, it’s a reminder to check in with myself. It used to seem like a very self-obsessed kind of thought to think I held that much say over the way three others in my household would act, but it’s true. I may not control the weather around here, but I do have control over whether or not we’re properly prepared for the weather we have (gear, snacks, entertainment). As the director of our newest greatest adventure, moving to Mexico with my family, I was ready to make it ALL happen!
That was until a few months later, I realized that I was taking my role way too seriously. As the cheerleader, fun director, entertainer, and homeschool educator who was always looking for the next opportunity, I felt exhausted and defeated. Even though I spent hours coordinating classes, events, play dates, phone calls with friends, and allowing extra screen time, my kids were fighting. ALL. THE. TIME.
I was exasperated, feeling that I was doing all I could to make them happy until I realized I wasn’t.
I took a hard, honest look at my days, and though I had the best of intentions, I was distracted, depleted, and constantly searching for the “answer” to fill the void I was feeling. Scouring websites, translating Spanish to English, and using Google mapping to see if the said event was within walking distance. My kids would tug at me, over and over, as I was immersed in the details of a class or event. I would respond with, “Just a moment.” Only to be pulled from my task by my children fighting, fussing, or making demands for attention.
My heart ached to recreate a sense of community, but I struggled to find it. Maybe that was too big of an ask… no, wait. Though I deeply value community, I realized it’s a genuine connection that I’m actually looking for. Ok, I got it. My mission is connection. My Google searches continued.
My ah-ha finally came after I found myself once again obsessing over making the best decision for my kids. For me, I would untangle my brain and my heart by working with either Tarot cards or numerology. They allow me to explore possibilities I may not see alone. It also allows me to tap into truths that I already know but are lying just below the surface. Usually, I pull my own cards, but this time I reached out to my own numerologist. I was blown away by the simplicity of the messages I received.
Stay present in the moment.
Create genuine, heart-to-heart connections.
A light turned on. Yes, of course, it is simple. But simple does not always equate to easy. I thought connection was my intention from the beginning. How had I gotten so far off track? I began to unravel the error in my ways.
In search of creating the ultimate experience for my kids, I was continually living in the possibility of future moments instead of the present ones. Rather than closing the computer when I got that tug on my shirt, I avoided the opportunity to connect with my kids. I was searching for opportunities to connect them with people other than me. Ones that were new, exciting, and way more fun.
In reality, what I needed was “just a moment” to shift my focus to what really matters. In one moment, they could feel the importance of their presence. Asking them questions, seeking their opinion, and identifying where their curiosity lies would be magical. We could collaborate and co-create, making so many special moments. As a team, we could design what events fill the calendar. The options are endless, especially when you genuinely listen to your kids’ suggestions.
A huge sense of relief came over me as I realized that I didn’t have to figure it all out, and I certainly didn’t have to do it alone. It is in the co-creation of our day that we all feel a sense of purpose and connection.
What’s currently piqued their interest—making homemade ramen, learning a new skate trick, learning how to play a new song on the guitar? We could fix something, write a story, or draw together. Grab a book and a cozy blanket instead of screen time. Snuggle up all smushed together on the sunny side of the bed and laugh out loud while reading our latest favorite book. Make hot cocoa for no reason, with the biggest marshmallows we can find. Do schoolwork by candlelight while playing soft music or have a dance party with loud music and show off our most embarrassing moves. Couch forts and movie marathons. Hold hands while walking down the street. Smile when they walk into the room and take a moment to tell them, “ I really love hanging out with you.”
Over the past few weeks, I realized that the conversations, along with their attitudes, had changed. At the end of the day, I found myself praising them for having such good attitudes and being team players.
Instead of the shrieks of anger catching my attention, it was the shrieks of laughter.
By pressing pause, we were able to reconnect. As humans, we need to feel like we matter and feel truly seen by those around us. Take the time to know each other’s love language so we know how to connect in those moments when someone feels sad, angry, or alone. Listen wholeheartedly without the intention of simply finding a solution. Remind ourselves that a child isn’t always seeking a solution; it’s your presence that matters.
I am skilled at holding a vision, being creative, and dreaming big. However, in honoring the moments, my vision unfolds more effortlessly. Finding an authentic connection with those I love is most important. It is a balance of tenderness and tenacity.
We are all still human, of course, and have challenging days or moments, but this ah-ha was such a huge reminder of how important it is to make the moments matter. Quality vs. quantity. It might be one tiny moment that makes everything crystal clear.
The moments allow us to reset when we find ourselves drowning in the details. As I shared in my previous blog, we have been sailing for the past several years, and though our grand adventure is intended to experience many things and meet new people, the most important people are the ones right next to me.
My desire is not to figure it all out on my own but to recognize that we can design our experiences…together.