Meeting Adjourned 

By: Peggy Willms

(4 min read)

I talk to myself. So it shouldn’t be surprising that I also have meetings – with myself.

They say you are smarter if you talk out loud even if it is to yourself. There are studies to prove it so it must be so. Bangor University determined that those of us who walk around blabbing externally have a higher cognitive function and rate higher on a scale of intelligence. Don’t start laughing yet.

I hold so many daily conversations with myself, I would be unable to count them. I have come a long way baby in the sense they are not all self-deprecating. Well, that is except for the last week. I have had a few instances of sheer hysterical blasts damning myself for doing stupid crap. And I know my new neighbors are finding it entertaining. I am sure they holler for their spouses to grab a chair and slide up to the bay window for their daily dose of, “Look at this dumb broad.”

The outside chores are mine! Do not try and take them away from me. I want to do the lawn, edging, weed whacking, tree hacking, repotting, spraying, feeding, and plant talking. I am the one for the job. However, I have a few new gadgets in my toolbox these days. Learning how to use my Greenworks turbo, battery-operated mower was like the Carol Burnett show every week for the last month not to mention learning “edging.” Edging is a non-negotiable thing here in Florida. Where I come from, crabgrass is not grass. It is a weed and not brag-worthy no matter how thick or green it is. Here, it is all you have so you better make it look like Astroturf, Sister.

I have the best lawn on the street, maybe the subdivision. Yeah, I said it. Now I have inherited the grassy knolls, but I am rocking it. My crabgrass is like a gorgeous Austin Power’s shag carpet. Gushy and cushy and full of conversation. Wait, wait, wait. I just pissed myself. Okay – back on track.

You have to “edge” your grass because the crabgrass “crawls.” The next thing you know the sidewalk, driveway, and street will be like Wrigley Field. When I do something, I do it well – just ask me. I have officially named myself The Edging Queen. Do you know how handy OCD comes in when you are edging that green crabby nature carpet up against the black asphalt? What a dream. We shall not discuss that I damn near cut my face off in week one, but I am a wizard now.

As I mentioned before, talking to yourself out loud can be helpful. Those conversations can also be ridiculously entertaining to watch. And, yes, they can also be a bit of self-warfare.

“Chica, you forgot to charge the batteries to both the mower and the edger. WTH. Grass Trash goes out in a few hours (yes, we have grass trash – say that three times fast). Why did you leave the shovel out front? Just put it back where you found it. Man! Take your time winding up the hose. You will be grateful next time. Just like you are when you put away all those Christmas tree bulbs so beautifully. Next season you are thrilled you did. Why didn’t you get two more plant pots that match? Now you have to go back to the nursery. Like you have time for that? You better hurry up the rain is coming. Duh, it comes every day at the same time. Go get the plumeria food. Where is it? I don’t know.”

And it goes on and on – every single day. The conversations change, but the method by which they take place does not. I know for a fact my grandchildren will think I am losing my mind when I am 80 years old they find me talking to myself. But the fact is guys it happened way before then.

With each conversation, I do get smarter and faster.

Most of the time, it is just a party of one. One Peggy shows up. She talks inside her head first and if that doesn’t solve all of the problems, she uses her outside voice. However, when she needs to pull in the big guns, she calls a meeting. When things are really out of control, she books the boardroom, and the whole staff gets an invite. It can be dreadful.

Some of you might have heard me say, “I had a meeting with myself, and all were in attendance.”

Yes, I am the only one present. Physically that is. But when I have to call in the heat, it can be a party of many. When I need to strategize or it is time for a little back-peddle regroup, all of my personalities need to get their act together and get around the table.

Roll call begins. Octavia the Optimist and Remi the Realist show up. Penny Pessimist missed the memo – phew. Mira Marketer and Stella Strategist are present. Damn nice suits, gals. Mama Bear is in the house and her smock is looking like she and Marion Cunningham trade clothes. But thank God she’s here. Number Cruncher Nancy let herself in – who invited her? As the PowerPoint begins and the Excel spreadsheets say hello, the meeting ensues.

The agenda ranges from dreadful to delightful around to urgent and back to take-a-chill pill. When “all of me” shows up, Cirque de Soleil has come to town. At times, I actually sit back and watch them all do their dance. For those really challenging spells, I bring my gavel and let them all start hash it out.

With my feet up on the slick-finished oak table, leaning back with my suit on and unicorn slippers (you’ve seen the picture on my website), we are headed into the ninth inning. The end is near. Rarely do they/we all have to show up and get down and dirty. Sometimes there is a side-bar convo at the water cooler or a coffee chat and a little discussion can solve the big problem, but after the past month of buying a home and launching a compilation book with 39 other authors, a meeting was called.

We talked about nutrition, exercise, sleep, self-care, relationships, creativity, forgiveness, control, and ego – phew. The meeting lasted nearly 48 hours.

At long last, we all ended up right where we always do. All of those in favor of the decisions made today, raise your hand. All of those who oppose, raise your hand – if you dare. Amen, Jesus. We are in 100% agreement.

Grateful, blessed, inspired, motivated, rested, brilliant, and back on track.

Meeting adjourned.

Peggy Willms
                                                                     All Things Wellness, LLC

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