See Yourself Through Someone Else’s Lens

By: Alysia Lyons

(3 min read)

I was talking with a friend the other day about coaching and what type of coaches different types of people hire. The example I used was, “Someone who is a high producer isn’t going to hire me because I’m not a high producer.”

My friend was silent for a few minutes before she began listing off all the things that I manage as a mom, a partner, and a business owner. “How could you think you’re not a high producer?”

I’ve thought about this for several weeks. I knew when she said that that this would most definitely be a blog topic in the near future. How do I not see myself as a high producer?

This same friend has been a parent educator for nearly 20 years. As a mom coach, I was excited to co-create some content with her and start a joint business venture with her. The week I spent at her home to come up with our business plan, I spent the majority of the time explaining to her why this was the route we needed to start with.

As we went through some of her old parenting tools and programs, bins and bins full of books she’d read and courses she’d designed, she had a moment of clarity. “I am a fucking great mom.”

It was my turn to be quiet for a minute. “Of course you are! How could you think anything else?”

This has always been an issue for me. I’ve never given myself credit for the things I do. Growing up, I always saw my mom working, working, working, and it was never enough…for her. There was always more to do, and so she never did enough. It’s taken me 40 years to see that I picked up that pattern as well.

Several years ago, I posted on Facebook, “If I saw myself the way Zander (my son) sees me, I’d be unstoppable.”

My coach at the time texted me and said, “You really outta take that to heart. Really think about how your son sees you and start to see yourself as that.”

I never did.

I never sat down to write out all the qualities my son saw in me that I don’t see in myself.  I guess that needs to be added to the to-do list!

This is probably the biggest reason people aren’t able to get the most out of themselves. Our brains delete, distort, and generalize to be more efficient, but a lot of those things that are deleted are how far we’ve come, we distort how much work we’ve actually done (because there’s always more to do), and we generalize or dismiss the things that come easily to us, and we think they come easily to everyone.

If you aren’t sure about how amazing you really are, ask someone who loves you to tell them how they see you and take the things they say to heart. If you’re looking to join a supportive community of Facebook moms, feel free to join my group, Raising Enlightened Children. I am passionate about helping busy moms determined to enjoy every day, love on their kids more, and feel freedom in their life. Don’t settle for the status quo; you deserve so much more.

Alysia Lyons
                                                                     All Things Wellness, LLC

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