Can You Be The Calm In The Storm
By: Alysia Lyons
Moms have a difficult but rewarding task in life. We are not only responsible for ourselves, but we are responsible for guiding and nurturing the special lives we bring into this world.
For me, somedays being the nurturing caregiver feels easy, and other days it feels so unnatural and other days still I’m killin’ it one minute and the next, I’m losing my mind.
This morning was one of those mornings. My son, Zander, and I were having a beautiful cuddly morning. Before he was awake, I cleared out some emails in my inbox, and I read a tool of the week from a parenting expert I follow, Amy McCready.
Her tool was to use a calm voice. “The best way to diffuse chaos is to effuse calm.”
It totally makes sense, I thought. As the adult and parent, remaining calm while our children lose their mind is the perfect solution. In practice, it takes a lot of self-control and emotional regulation, two things I haven’t always done well.
After Zander woke up, he wanted to show me a cool program he’d found that would teach him how to code video games. I’d been hearing him say he wanted to learn this for a while, so I was excited he found a kid appropriate site that would teach him.
The lessons are simple enough at first, but as he goes on to the next lesson, the difficulty increases, naturally. By lesson 10, the difficulty rose to a level that Zander was getting frustrated after his third or fourth failed attempt.
He asked for my help, and I offered my typical advice, “Perhaps you should take a break so you can come and look at it through fresh eyes.”
As usual, this suggestion was shot down.
“Let’s start over,” I offered. “Then we can come at it with fresh eyes.
Once again, the suggestion was shot down.
This is typically my limit. A huge pet peeve of mine is when someone asks for my advice or help and then not use it.
I was able to explain this to Zander, but I first needed a moment to release the emotion. I think this is something that people don’t allow themselves to do. Practice the pause. We are so used to allowing our emotions to explode; meanwhile, the people we love are hit by the shrapnel of that explosion.
Amy McCready has several other strategies to help you harness your calm voice:
- Use “sticky note” reminders around your house, on your smartphone, and in your car to keep your calm voice top of mind.
- Make your physical environment more soothing.
- When speaking to your kids, reduce the VOLUME and PACE of your speech. In other words, speak more softly and slowly.
- Speak with a smile. It may seem cheesy, but who cares! It’s really hard to yell or be angry with a smile on your face.
- Steer clear of shouting from room to room. If you need to speak to your child, walk into the room where he/she is.
- Think about the aura/energy you emit. Your demeanor, whether positive or negative, goes a long way.
If you’re struggling with shifting your mindset and would like to join a supportive community of Facebook moms, feel free to join my group, Moms Conquering Guilt. I am passionate about helping busy moms determined to enjoy every day, love on their kids more, and feel freedom in their life. Don’t settle for the status quo; you deserve so much more.
All Things Wellness, LLC
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