Everything to Say Yet Nothing to Say at All
By: Peggy Willms
(4 min. read)
If you ask anyone who has known me for the past gazillion years, one of the things they will surely agree upon is, “She has always had something to say.” #trudat
Interestingly, as I sat down, coffee in tow, to write this blog to you this wind-whipping Sunday morning, I felt too exhausted to say anything at all which sums up my past week.
Though I am listening more intently to that ever-looping whisper, “It is okay to take a break. It is okay to be tired. It is okay to do absolutely nothing but stare at the wall,” I am still a bit slow to react.
For years, well honestly, decades, I suppressed those flailing red flags…SLOW DOWN.
When I was younger, the signals were far away, deep into the far oceans, sonically chirping, trying to get my attention. As an academic freak, athlete, and member of about every extra-curricular activity my small school offered, the chirps of self-care were ignored. No slowing me down. The thought of sitting and doing nothing was only warranted if I was injured and sick, and I bucked the concept like a Denver Bronco trying to win a game this season. I saw no value in “doing nothing.” The recharge rest stop was closed—such a waste of time to do nothing.
As I became a young adult, married, had children, and worked a few jobs, those deep-sea sonic bleeps started circling Pluto. Though still far away, the pinging became a bit louder. Yet the Energizer Bunny kept on going. “If you are not moving physically or mentally, you aren’t worth much, girlfriend.”
I dove deep into the keep-moving trap as I slid, kicking and screaming, into the empty nest and divorced stage of my life. “If I stay busy, I will not think or feel. Plus, who would stop me anyway!” Nice. I loved that plan.
I dove into solopreneurship and moved 2400 miles from family and friends. What a ride that has been. No one stopping me now. However, no one can pick up the slack if you fall out of sorts. Like the Big Peter bell in Germany, the banging and clanging tolled louder and louder. TAKE A BREAK. As they say, “Old habits die hard.” But at least I began listening more often and more intently.
Our body is the gatekeeper. The body is in charge no matter what you want to do. It shows up daily, carries the burdens of our trials and tribulations, and will take us down if we do not treat it like the god and goddess it is. As I have aged, I have realized ignoring all of the “take a break” signs just ends up put putting my ass in bed, pounding the remote control as I scroll through endless “numb and dumb” TV programs.
And this past week, my body said, “Enough is enough.” Though I become smarter each year, I still tend to hyper-focus and work extensively. My addiction. My drug. I told a dear friend who stopped by with his beautiful wife for coffee and cookies yesterday, “Work isn’t work for those of us aligned with our purpose and passion.” And that therein lies the message for today.
Our body doesn’t care if we are sitting and focusing on a passion project, trying to save the world. Sure, it is a great mission, but the body wins when it wants a time-out. Like heavy-smoking employees, if they want a break, they will take a break. Your body demands the same.
No energy flow. Exhausted. Tucked into bed with my corduroy quilt wrapped up to my nose, and not a care that the world that life is passing me by. Phone off. Door closed. And enough water on the bedside table to keep me hydrated for the next eight hours because I am certainly not getting up any time soon.
Like clockwork, this continues to happen to me, though only five or six times a year. Intellectually, I know what to do and how to prevent such exhaustion, but the application is the hang-up. As I continue to work through my journey of self-care (damn, it is not an easy one), I recognize my signals sooner, yet every once in a while, the Universe still has to smack me upside the head with a Louisville Slugger.
This past Wednesday, I hit the wall hard. I have been battling exhaustion for a few weeks but kept chug, chug, chugging along. I woke up well before the sun, could barely form a sentence, and was forced to react. I canceled everything on my books, including meetings and my live radio show. I had nothing to give, so I gave up.
Here I sit with you, only a few sentences left in my fingertips…I had nothing brilliant to say today, yet I guess I had lots to say.
All Things Wellness, LLC
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