Failing to Find Another Way
By: Lara Dustin Scriba
(3 min. read)
Recently, I was looking for unused notebooks for my kids to use, and I found a well-worn black spiral notebook filled with journal prompts and, specifically, a piece I wrote during a writing workshop I took over two years ago.
There was an intense air of uncertainty at that time as we were prepping to head out cruising and start a new life. I share this as we often don’t reflect back on the internal journey we also have to navigate when making big life changes. There is so much shifting and sorting one has to experience mentally before any external shifts begin.
It was a free-writing exercise, an opportunity to allow thoughts to tumble out freely. I found it so interesting that it was not a logistical list of tasks to tackle but an embodied essence of love and creativity and connection aching to be expressed.
We had a single-sentence prompt, “What is worth doing even if I fail?”
I share with you my response:
I paused, took a deep breath, and could immediately feel a warm pressure in my chest. There is a sense of anticipation, impatience, a deep well of love and creativity wanting to be expressed.
The deep knowing that there is a “meant to be” waiting to happen but the frustration that it remains intangible. Feeling trapped in the tangles of my own mind, of figuring out the “how.”
Grasping at fragments of time, yearning for an uninterrupted thought or a fully completed task, yet somehow never miss one single beautiful moment as I watch my children grow.
A feeling of being pulled and tugged in every direction, trying to pour myself and my love into the people I love the most, but always feeling like somehow there is never enough or an inability to fully offer them what they truly deserve. Wanting to pull in every ounce of goodness available in the world, to fill the gaps that I am unable to provide.
Acutely experiencing both the importance and impermanence of the two sets of expecting and loving eyes of my children yet also nurture the deep need for self-expression and exploration.
I am not alone. I need to remember to find resonance in the energy I seek in the world around me. Show them the world and how to seek out the good and the beautiful. No matter how fleeting or small, pay attention to those little sparks of joy, creative flares, or moments of authentic connection. Let it be fluid and flow like water, seeping into the smallest spaces, filling the parts of you, you never knew needed filling.
Release the need to anticipate every possible obstacle, identify every opportunity, or compartmentalize parts of the self. All of you is needed to live life fully. Control is an illusion, but self-trust is not. Trust, take action, and build confidence, knowing if I get knocked down, I will find a way up, once again.
Lead by example, allow my children to witness the struggles, and celebrate the successes. By offering a guide to navigate themselves, they then can successfully navigate the world. The need for perfection or unrealistic expectations to be met will fall away as the confidence to navigate any terrain will grow by learning to tackle the unexpected.
Get messy, and allow the imperfections and failures to etch the shape of your soul into existence. Perfectly imperfect opportunities to contribute our unique beauty into this world.
Trusting that even if I fail to have all the answers, by sharing this journey and the world wholeheartedly with my children, together we will not only figure it out but find ourselves in the process. A tapestry of stories that will weave the fibers of our being together with one another, with the world, and with our true essence. A reminder that we are never alone and that failure is simply an opportunity to find another way.
Finding this journal entry couldn’t have come at a better time to remind me of my “why” and release the need to know “how.” To trust that if we start to feel off track, we do not need to fear failure; we simply need to find another way.
I wish to offer you the opportunity to reflect and ask yourself, “What is worth doing even if I fail?” You may be surprised by the answer.