Have You Been Naughty or Nice

By: Peggy Willms

(3 min read)

There are so many holiday observations that it makes my head spin. I’ll admit it. I live for the cool ones – like today, December 4th which is Santa’s List Day. The day Mr. and Mrs. Clause declare it is time to sit down with some hot chocolate and sugar cookies to contemplate who has been naughty or nice.

I have always wondered how a conversation such as this might roll out. I mean, isn’t it super subjective? What some consider naughty, others might find exciting. What some declare nice, others might find vile.

I sat down to share a latte with the Clauses. It was clarification time.

“Yo, Saint Nick, Johnny volunteers at the Soup Kitchen, but he is doing it to ‘look good’ on his resume. It doesn’t come from his heart. Naughty or Nice?”

“I see your point. I might have to talk with him. The intent of giving is to do it freely – from the heart and with no expectations.”

“Super response, Buddy,” and I threw up a fist bump which he left hanging in the air. Okay, so Santa is too cool for school.

I continue. “Mandy hugs every single person she meets and asks them about their personal life. Thoughts?”

The Mrs. chirps in at a pitch only geese flying South could tolerate. “Niiiiice.”

I buzz out loud, “Errrr. Wrong answer, hun. Not everyone wants their darkest secrets squeezed out of them. Literally.”

She is simply distraught by my answer and fiddles with the gumdrops falling off the gingerbread house.

Time for another one. “Mowing the lawn for neighbors, baking cookies for your co-workers, being a reliable confidant to your sister?”

They both blurt. “NICE!”

After about another thirty minutes that they got my drift. Now I was out to get my name on the Naughty List, surely.

I leaned back in my bean bag chair, “Well, what about ‘Naughty, But Nice?’”

I snicker to myself as I wait for their answers. They have no clue. I just checked out the idiom’s origin online. “An expression that carries a sexual innuendo. Harmful, distasteful, or reprehensible, but still irresistibly enjoyable, attractive, or desirable. It is sometimes hyphenated if used before a noun. Popularized in the 1970s in Britain in an advertisement for ice cream cakes.”  

I’m dying inside and can barely keep my act together. The silence is palpable. I hold the irresistible tension in my hands. One, one thousand…two, one thousand. Still nothing.

“Okay, let me help you out. Pops, you are passed out in your chair during a long winter’s nap, you rise quickly to the smell of a fresh apple pie, and before you can gather enough energy to sit your jolly self up, you hear your lovely bride singing, “When a man loves a woman.” Her shadow is strolling down the hallway towards you. You grab your spectacles, and before you know it, she’s standing over you with a piece of steamy pie, ice cream dripping down, mouth lathered with Rudolph’s new shade of lipstick, and she’s wearing nothing but her 12 Days of Christmas apron. Naughty, But Nice?”

His cheeks were like roses, and his nose like a cherry. They look at each other friskily, and he gasps…

“Now we have to create a third list!”

Well, you kids, get ready for a busy week ahead because you have Mitten Tree Day (give a pair away), National Microwave Oven Day (a day set aside to honor the invention), National Gazpacho Day (seriously-huh?), and Walt Disney Day (this one is a duh to me…love it).

What side of the list do you expect to be on this year? Or perhaps you hover in the middle, you frisky thang.

Peggy Willms
                                                                     All Things Wellness, LLC

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