Carrying Twins as a 40-Year-Old Surrogate

By: Alysia Lyons

(2 mins)

I am a surrogate, carrying twins for the first time at 40 years old. Surrogacy isn’t new to me, as this is my fourth journey, but twins is a whole new ball game.

At my 30-week appointment, the physician’s assistant came into the exam room and announced, “You’re going to be miserable for the next six weeks.”


What a way to start off an appointment. What a thing to say to a patient.

Was I feeling miserable in that moment? Probably. I was in the middle of a three-weeklong cold, I spent five hours in the hospital the night before because of preterm contractions brought on by dehydration, and I was feeling as big as a house. It surely wasn’t helpful to be reminded of my misery.

The mom of the twins came down to join me at the appointment, and we went to lunch after. She had missed the beginning of the appointment and the insensitive comment, so I filled her in.

“I don’t subscribe to that way of thinking,” I told her. “I believe I am in control of how I feel.”

I’ve made a conscious effort over the last two weeks not to have a miserable experience. Has every moment been magical? Of course not. Some moments have been absolutely miserable (coughing so much you pull a muscle in your abdomen and feeling a stabbing sensation every time you cough can do that to you). But I’ve appreciated the good moments that much more because I chose to look for them.

Our minds are truly incredible things. We have way more power to create our reality than any of us realize.

I remember the first time I experienced this with my son, Zander. We were playing catch in the living room, and every time I threw the ball to him, he missed it by a mile. After three or four times in a row, he started saying, “I can’t catch!”

After the tenth time or so of saying he couldn’t catch, I encouraged him to change what he was telling himself and start saying, “I can catch.”

As soon as he said, “I can catch,” that kid caught the ball 10 times in a row.

Words are powerful, and what we tell ourselves really matters.

I’m so glad I decided to make the best out of the rest of the time I am pregnant. Six weeks is a long time to allow myself to be miserable.  And they say it takes between 21 to 63 days to build a habit. I’d be well on my way to programming my brain to seek out the negative in everything.

One of my favorite memes I’ve seen recently said, “Did you have a bad day, or did you have a bad moment that you milked all day?”

When I catch myself inside a negative thought spiral, I pause and take a moment to think of at least three things I am grateful for.

If you’re struggling with shifting your mindset and would like to join a supportive community of Facebook moms, feel free to join my group, Moms Conquering Guilt. I am passionate about helping busy moms determined to enjoy every day, love on their kids more, and feel freedom in their life. Don’t settle for the status quo; you deserve so much more.

Alysia Lyons
                                                                     All Things Wellness, LLC

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