Suspicious Minds

By: Lori Walker

(3 min read)

Have you seen the 2022 biographical film Elvis? I just watched it a few weeks ago on HBO Max. I found it fascinating to learn about his childhood, the early stages of his career and how his life unfolded under the management of Colonel Tom Parker.

“Having sold over 500 million records worldwide, Presley is recognized as the best-selling solo music artist of all time by Guinness World Records. He was commercially successful in many genres, including pop, country, rhythm & blues, adult contemporary, and gospel.”1

It is estimated that the “King of Rock & Roll” recorded 786 songs. His first number-one song was Heartbreak Hotel and his biggest hit was Hound Dog. (And yet my son knows his music from the Disney movie Lilo & Stitch!) With all those songs to pick from, it wasn’t hard for me to choose this one.

We can’t go on together…with suspicious minds…”

How do you define suspicion? Is a certain amount healthy? Where do you draw the line?

“Doubt, if unresolved, grows into suspicion over time. Suspicion is belief without proof. You’ve started to see a pattern of behavior that may indicate a lack of trust, but you don’t quite have enough proof to make a firm conclusion.”2

In my second marriage, I was accused of every crime under the sun. Later, I would find out that it was his projection of guilt onto me. Before I even knew what the term meant, I was the unlucky recipient of Gaslighting 101.

It would take years before I could trust someone again. Not only had I been the victim of a suspicious mind, but I also realized that I had one myself. I struggled with my innate, optimistic programming of ‘give everyone the benefit of the doubt until they show you otherwise.’

I believe it’s healthy to have a small dose of skepticism in any situation or relationship. It’s your gut feeling (intuition) that is trying to protect yourself from harm.

But what’s the difference between a leap of faith or another crash-and-burn? I was trying to find the perfect quote when I came across this…

Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” – Maya Angelou

For me, the best way I’m able to gain trust is through consistency. Is someone impeccable with their word? Do they show up on time? Are they considerate of your feelings? Do they recognize the effort you have put into something?

Another important factor in a relationship is how someone expresses love. In his book, The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman explores how a person gives love and receives love – whether it is through Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Time, Touch or Gifts.

I stumbled onto a fun experiment when I wanted to know the order of importance of my friend’s love languages.

I wrote each trait on a piece of scratch paper. Then I asked him to line them up, starting with what would mean the most to him.

Because he is a natural competitor (and wicked smart), he was done in less than 20 seconds! I won’t tell you his answers, but I will say that it was quite enlightening!

When it came to my turn, I simply put down one piece of paper. I said, “That’s all you need to know about me!” It was Words of Affirmation.  He laughed and said, “Noted!” I thought it was interesting that our final two (least important) were the same – time and gifts.

So how did I use the information from our little test? I realized that he is uncomfortable saying words I ‘think’ I need to hear from him, but he is screaming love at me in other ways (like acts of service.) The weight was lifted. I relaxed and so did he.

Building trust is the basis of a true and lasting friendship or relationship. Be honest about your feelings. Admit if you’ve been hurt or you feel insecure. A little reassurance goes a long way. With the right person, you will never feel “caught in a trap…”



Lori Walker
All Things Wellness, LLC

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