Things Happen For You, Not To You

By: Alysia Lyons

(3 min. read)

A friend shared a meme with a quote from Rachel Marie Martin, and it made me think. The quote said, “Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought life would be like and learn to take part in the story you are actually living.”

One of the most powerful things I’ve done in my personal development journey is this.

I want to say, “most of the time,” but really, it’s 100% of the time—our feelings of misery result from three ways of viewing our lives: wishing our life was altogether different, thinking it should have been different or imagining it actually was different, especially when it comes to things we can’t change.

There are things in our lives that we wish were different that we can change. If you don’t like the house you live in, you can move. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but the likelihood that you are stuck in a house indefinitely is slim. Feeling happiness is accepting where you are right now, or if there’s something in your life that you don’t like, you can work toward changing it.

We can hope, wish, and pray all day long, and we will never change what happened in the past. And all that wishing, hoping, and praying that things could have been different creates the misery you’re experiencing.

Instead of wishing, hoping, and praying things were different, try looking for the lessons you have learned. What do you have now that you wouldn’t have if things had been different?

For me, it’s hard to choose just one thing that I have wished was different. For example, when I began this process of looking for the lessons in my past, I thought about a popular saying, “Everything happens for a reason.” I could not, for the life of me, think of a reason for my first marriage. We didn’t have any kids, I left the marriage with a ton of debt, and being divorced twice was a huge source of embarrassment for me.

I believe the failure of that relationship is a huge reason I married my second husband. I was trying to prove to myself that my first husband being an alcoholic wasn’t the reason that relationship failed. Why that was important to me at the time is still a mystery. Marrying a second alcoholic would prove that my ex-husband was the reason the marriage didn’t work out, not the alcohol.  

Had that not been important to me, I wouldn’t have had my son. My first husband helped me find self-confidence that I didn’t know existed. He also helped me rack up a lot of debt, making me look for side hustles. My side hustle led me to my direct sales business, which led me to my life coach, which led me to my coaching career. And that is something I wouldn’t change for the world.

If you’re struggling with accepting the past or understanding how the things you’ve gone through have happened for you and not to you, schedule a coffee and coaching call with me.

If you want to join a supportive community of Facebook moms, feel free to join my group, Moms Conquering Guilt. I am passionate about helping busy moms determined to enjoy every day, love on their kids more, and feel freedom in their life. Don’t settle for the status quo; you deserve so much more.

Alysia Lyons
                                                                     All Things Wellness, LLC

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