Am I Just a Mom 

By: Alysia Lyons

(3 min read)

I consider myself an advocate for mothers. Sometimes I encourage them to have compassion for themselves, and other times I defend them against the unrealistic expectations of others. Every once in a while, I’ll see a post that just lights me up.

One such post is this: Pay attention to the Mothers who don’t always have their nails done, hair done, and have the latest phone. Those are the real women. They’re the ones actually putting their kids and household first.

Wait, so because my nails and hair are done, and I have the latest phone, I’m not a real woman? I don’t put my family and household first. Where is it okay to place myself on the ladder of importance? Second to kids and household? Or would that be third because it should be kids, household, and then me?

And what about my man? Does he come before me too?

This post got a lot of heat, as I’m sure you can imagine. But it also made me ask the question: Once I become a mom, am I just a mom?

The idea that once we are mothers, we have to put our kids (and oftentimes, everyone else’s) needs first is a huge problem in society. Women shouldn’t take off all other hats (identities) just because they put on the mom hat. This is one of the reasons a lot of moms don’t feel fulfilled in their lives!

If money is tight and you have to choose between getting the latest iPhone and putting food on the table, I think most parents in their right mind will put their child’s needs first. Your child’s needs really should come before the things you want.

But your child’s wants shouldn’t always come before mom’s needs and sometimes even wants. We need to break the pattern of giving our children everything they want before our needs are met. They will be fine if they don’t get the latest PlayStation. You might also be fine if you don’t get the latest iPhone, but if you have to choose, the choice doesn’t always have to be the kid’s want before yours.

These types of comments are why moms feel so guilty. If we go to work, society says we should be at home with our kids. If we are home with our kids, society thinks we are not pulling our weight. This post is shaming the women who are practicing self-care and putting themselves first, while there are women who are feeling depressed because they never do anything for themselves, trying to live up to the impossible standards of that post.

It’s so easy for people to judge a book by its cover, but it takes real time and effort to take a look inside. If you’re feeling pressure from the outside world to do or be someone you’re not, trust your mama instincts and know that you’re doing the best you can. Make time in your day every day to show your children you love them and do the same for yourself.

If this is something you are struggling with and would like support, I can help. Schedule a free support call with me. I am passionate about helping women from the inside out. Together, we can change your life.

Until next time,

Mom Support Coach


Alysia Lyons
                                                                     All Things Wellness, LLC

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